The keys to aging at home? Frank conversations and financial planning

Staying in your own home as you get older can strain finances and family members. Preparing can lessen the burden of aging in place.

About 77% of older adults want to age in their current home. Doing so requires an objective assessment of the home, honest discussions with family, and a realistic financial plan. Delaying preparation—or not preparing at all—makes the difficult task of aging at home even harder.

Almost nine out of 10 Americans 65 and older lived in their own home in 2021, according to Harvard University’s Joint Center for Housing Studies. Often those homes have stairs and narrow doorways, and need modifications. As people age, they may need help from adult kids or require paid in-home care, which can be more expensive than people think and generally isn’t covered by Medicare.

“You have to consider the variables when you grow older,” including a home’s size and safety, says Ken Dychtwald, 74 years old, co-founder and chief executive of Age Wave, a California-based consulting firm specializing in aging-related issues. “We think about child-proofing a home. How do you age-proof a home?”

Let’s talk

Only about half of adults 65 and older say they have had serious conversations with loved ones about future needs—who will help take care of them and how they will pay for it—according to a recent survey by KFF, a health-research nonprofit.

“Frank discussions with kids can be unnerving,” says Dychtwald. “We talk about vacations and hopes and dreams for their lives. We need to have the same discussion about what to do when we get older.” If parents aren’t forthcoming, adult kids need to be upfront about what they can and can’t do.

Ronna Lichtenberg, 73, told her adult stepchildren that she and her husband were financially stable but handling their own expenses meant less wealth to pass on.

“That money will go to take care of us. If you want an inheritance, speak up now,” she recalls saying. None did. “I just forced the conversations once I realized how hard they are,” says Lichtenberg, owner of the social-media platform Granny Ronna.

A certified financial planner, Danielle Miura, 29, raised the subject while visiting her parents and discovered they have different visions. Her mom, she says, likes socializing and the idea of a 55-plus community, and her dad likes his privacy.

“I’m an only child. I want to start asking these questions,” says Miura, of Ripon, Calif.

Home is where the steps are

Less than half of adults ages 65 to 79 lived in single-floor homes with a no-step entry, according to a 2023 Harvard University study. Steps can be a hazard. One-fourth of Americans 65 and older fall each year. Home elevators are an option but can cost between $20,000 and $100,000.

Smart-home technology, including security doorbells and fall-detection sensors, can help people live at home longer and provide peace of mind to adult kids who live far away, says Andy Miller, who started AARP’s AgeTech Collaborative, a group of businesses developing aging-related technology. His parents, who live in Florida, can control lights and other devices with their voice.

“They have voice-enabled everything,” says Miller, 54. He lives in Boston and is building a new home that will have ambient monitoring throughout, wood floors without thresholds and safety knobs on the stove.

Patricia Wahlgren, an Omaha, Neb.-based gerontologist and certified aging-in-place specialist, visits homes for $250 and makes recommendations to add lighting, replace doorknobs and enlarge bathrooms; she’ll also review transportation options and nutrition. Wahlgren, 51, says she and her husband are modifying their home incrementally and added grab bars, single-lever faucets and a higher toilet during a recent bathroom update.

Money matters

The ability to age at home often depends on your resources. Financial experts say you should know what you have in savings and home equity to remodel if needed, understand what is—and isn’t—covered by insurance, and anticipate living expenses.

The median national cost for round-the-clock in-home care is about $24,000 a month, according to Genworth, a long-term-care insurance company, with higher costs in states like California, where monthly median costs are close to $27,000.

“Financial planning is crucial,” says David Brillant, a lawyer in Walnut Creek, Calif., who specializes in estate planning and taxation. Many families will need long-term-care insurance, home equity or both.

Equity in the home—refinancing or a home-equity credit line—can help pay for remodeling and in-home care, but interest rates affect that decision. In 2022, median home equity for 65 and older homeowners was $250,000, according to the Harvard study. About 60% of homeowners ages 65 to 79 are mortgage-free on their primary homes, the study found.

Insurance can help but has limits. Private long-term-care insurance, which can be costly, will pay for in-home care but generally doesn’t cover the first 90 days of care and has payment caps. Short-term care insurance, which also covers home-care costs, is less expensive and typically offers a year of benefits.

Durr Sexton, 67, president of a national insurance brokerage firm in Houston, says people need to carefully review their policies and ask professionals for clarification. He recalls a fellow broker—who had a long-term-care policy and was caring for his wife who had Alzheimer’s—not fully using it because the broker misread the policy and thought the benefits were more limited.

“People need to understand the benefits,” says Sexton. “They need to understand the limitations.”